Dine-out Devotee T-Shirts

'You're going to love this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

'Hey! My Chili is Chilly!' 'I'll add some Chilies!'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"Expense account or regular?"

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

'...and one 'death by chocolate', Sir.'

'How would you like your toast?'

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

"I realize your steak was tough but you didn't have to make such a stink about it."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

"A votre sante!"

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

Emily's Slow Food Restaurant.

"And what would you like to regret later?"

'Would you folks care for some fresh maple syrup on your pancakes?'

'I asked for a rare steak and you certainly don't see many as BAD as this!'

"Take your time. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

'...And an extra packet of crackers! It's our Anniversary!'