Dining Devotees Pillows

"We found we really missed going to the theatre and eating in nice restaurants, so we gave our kids away."

"Remember-it's NOT keep-the-chef-in full employment week!"

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Newton had actually discovered gravity at a family dinner in his early childhood.

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"Expense account or regular?"

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'How would you like your toast?'

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

'...and one 'death by chocolate', Sir.'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

Emily's Slow Food Restaurant.

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

"A votre sante!"

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

"Is everything ok with your Emile?"

"Mom, Eugene picked all the peanuts off the pizza!"

"We can serve a rare handburger, but because of health regulations, this room will have to be heated to 160 degrees."

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

"Take your time. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

A train's dining car is a diner.

'...And an extra packet of crackers! It's our Anniversary!'

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.