Dining At A Posh Restaurant T-Shirts

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"Is the MSG local?"

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Dog Dressed to Eat

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Your stab at ordering the wine in French went well.'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'Is this still America?'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."