Dining Adventures Pillows

Fortune cookie reads; 'Sorry, no fortune. Ace Fortune Cookie Co. has filed for chapter 11.'

'Er... Waiter!'

"This is cold. I specifically ordered the Warm and Fuzzy."

"Chomp... Chomp... Curry Tree..."

"And then, when I feel like a rum punch and breaded shrimp, I can just swim to Tony’s Trattoria."

"Is the MSG local?"

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"I envy you, but my dietary requirements make it difficult for me to travel..."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

All-Day Breakfast

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

Platter confusion.

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

The first law of barbecuing. Your tongs will never be long enough.

"It's an extra $2.00 if you want a candle with a wick."

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"I'm not a total vegetarian, sometimes I like a bit of buffalo."

'Gary freaked out a bit and went way off the griddle.'

"You're close, but you're not the record. The record for one family in one booth—all from out of state, each ordering a complete breakfast—was set in 1978, with fifteen."

'Okay, so it's not a violin, but he is playing our song.'

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"A table in Siberia, please."

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

'Your bill sir.'

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

Odd Spas

'Snob, he won't eat domestic slugs, just imports.'

'You made me jump,'

"I'm not all you can eat? But I brought my special plate!"

"Is this the wine you selected at random?"

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'