Diner Visits Pillows

"I made a bid for the Senate, but this is as far as I got."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'It's just some Pour 'n' Serve, Stir 'n' Blend, Bake 'n' Slice, Mix 'n' Broil and Chop 'n' Simmer.'

Countervailing Clichés.

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Diner

'How is the water prepared?'

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'Can I have flies with that'

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'How would you like your toast?'

"Tia Carmen, if you had a bucket list, what would you put in it?"

'A HAMBURGER?.. really?.. I took you for the WEENIE type!'

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'You don't have to drive around. We bring the food to your table.'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'