Diner Regulars T-Shirts

"Whatever you do, don't complain about the coffee!"

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Who gets the decaf?'

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Countervailing Clichés.

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'How is the water prepared?'

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

'Can I have flies with that'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'How would you like your toast?'

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."