Digital Tacticians Pillows

"Those are for winning social media wars."

"I can always tell when Philip is working on family finances. A 'cursor' appears on both sides of the computer screen."

Alternative fielding positions

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Now the geeks hold all the power. They're the ones who know how to forge a parent's e-signature."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

"Hack back with all you've got!"

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

"Get used to verifications. In the court of the internet, you are presumed a robot until proven otherwise."

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides stimulated hand-holding when the market is down.'

"I'm recommending more video games. I'm worried about his hand eye coordination."

"Tell me when it's all cyber warfare, and I'll enlist!"

"...and how often do you feel monkas?"

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

"Miss. Wilcox, get me the coast."

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."

"According to our eye tracking studies,either nobody is looking at the content on our site, or all the participants have lazy eye."

'Oi, do you mind, trying to speak to my colleague - two self service tills having a chat together.'

"It has come to my attention that there's a traitor in our midst."

'I took the liberty of digitally enhancing my resume to make a mountain out of a mole hill.'

'Thank you colonel we'll keep your strategy in mind.'

"Hi, I designed this Sim Game and I'm checking on staff morale."

"I know I told you to fool him into thinking you've got nothing left, but now you've got me convinced."

"My dad said I couldn't scare him, so I'm hiding all his data like it was erased. Get ready for a loud scream."

'Man, I can't believe we didn't think of this before.'

computer trick with teapot and cup

'Sometimes, when I'm feeling unappreciated, I'll fake a system-wide data crash.'

"That's your granddad - amazing what they can do with filters these days."

Stone Age

"Ms Hathaway, I need to test my mettle. Find someone on social media who thinks they can bully me."