Digital Security Savant Pillows

'How can he remember 37 passwords but always forget to pick his clothes up off the floor?'

'With the increase in hacking, the I.T. department has proposed sealing all of our data in blister packs.'

'It seems to work, I couldn't afford a blackberry!'

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

Where was I?

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"No, Mother, I don't think Julian Assange is going to leak your recipe for fruitcake."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"The new computer is great, but we can't get rid of the old one. It knows too much."

Latest Greatest Fastest Computer...versus Good Enough.

'Since PRISM, nothing is 'off the record' any more.'

'He's a media consultant. He came with the multimedia software package.'

"I don't think I can be truly happy unless I have more passwords."

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

Bob soon began to hate his new anti-spam software.

'Computers' 'Hardware' 'Software'

A Court Reporter's Pocket Knife

"You kids are losing your ability to communicate person-to-person...so we're having a good old-fashioned family talk!"

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

Taking to the sky...

"If we had invented the phone and computer, we would be at the top of the food chain. What a blown opportunity."

"I recently upgraded my resume-writing software."

'I have your MRI results. Half your brain is clogged with passwords and the other half is clogged with user names.'

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

ACME, Inc. For the man who has everything. It's a home security company.

"Sorry I'm late. I forgot the PIN number I need to get my brain going."

Snake Blogging,

I just realized how vulnerable I am to people who could hack my phone, my self-driving car, my tv, my garage door opener … So I bought a device called "Trojan Horse: that's supposed to protect me from all that. It connects to my wifi router. It monitors all my web traffic, all my connected devices, and ... well, I'm not exactly sure what it does, but it's supposed to keep the hackers out somehow. What did you say the device is called again? Now I don't worry about anyone hacking my toaster.

'You sure you've got Photoshop experiance.'

'Oh my god! We've been the victims of cyber crime. . . someone on the other side of the world has paid all our bills.'

"If there's a way in, they'll find it."

"My cat just gave me the greatest password! She walked across my keyboard."

"You think they all look like security risks."

'We in the intelligence community have got to start ta.........I've already said too much.'