Digital Observer Pillows

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."

Big Brother watching you watch Big Brother

"Ok, maybe this isn't happening."

'racism is the new black.'

"Go ask your search engine."

There are planets where lifeforms are almost human...

"I'm more of an 'I like to watch' dog."

Gone to seed.

"No sense of smell, ears plugged and eyes fixed on their phones. I'm telling you, if I weren't domesticated I'd be all over that."

'Man, when was the last time you had your eyes tested?'

"You didn't post anything on social media today. So, the church sent someone over to witness miracle."

'Why is there a 'Like' button but no 'Despise' button?'

"Smartphone sales" "Degradation of society"

'I say, it really shows off your astigmatism to its greatest advantage, doesn't it?'

Mobile Phone Mobile.

Oculist.

"Good lord! Four of my dearest Facebook friends died last week!"

'I've always found the stars disappointingly small.'

First Contact

"Can't these people read? I put a sign saying 'No Solicitors' on my website, and I'm still getting spam."

"It's 6 o'clock. Do you know what's trending now?"

Weapons of Mass Comparison

'Jenkins, there's no easy way for me to say this, so I suggest you download your dismissal as a PDF file from the company website.'

"Talk about overkill. She broke up with me by text, 6 types of social media, and then through her attorney."

'I don't think those apps have made Junior smarter.'