Digital Observer Pillows

"Why are people so fascinated with sticking their noses in those things?"

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."

Big Brother watching you watch Big Brother

'racism is the new black.'

"Ok, maybe this isn't happening."

'It's no use! His computer tablet has replaced his blanky!'

"Go ask your search engine."

Holding the Line Against Terrorists with Midrange IQs

"I'm more of an 'I like to watch' dog."

There are planets where lifeforms are almost human...

Gone to seed.

'Man, when was the last time you had your eyes tested?'

"No sense of smell, ears plugged and eyes fixed on their phones. I'm telling you, if I weren't domesticated I'd be all over that."

Gotta take you out, kid – You're getting booed off the field on my Twitter feed.

'Why is there a 'Like' button but no 'Despise' button?'

Musk's Twitter

"You didn't post anything on social media today. So, the church sent someone over to witness miracle."

"Smartphone sales" "Degradation of society"

'I say, it really shows off your astigmatism to its greatest advantage, doesn't it?'

Oculist.

If a tweet is sent out and no one signs up to read it, does it exist? Happens millions of times a day.

"Good lord! Four of my dearest Facebook friends died last week!"

Mobile Phone Mobile.

'I've always found the stars disappointingly small.'

"You read the exit sign. The eye chart is behind you."

First Contact

"It's 6 o'clock. Do you know what's trending now?"

"Can't these people read? I put a sign saying 'No Solicitors' on my website, and I'm still getting spam."

Weapons of Mass Comparison

'Jenkins, there's no easy way for me to say this, so I suggest you download your dismissal as a PDF file from the company website.'

Social media is stealing your atten...

"Talk about overkill. She broke up with me by text, 6 types of social media, and then through her attorney."