Digital Health Advocate Pillows

"Well sorry doc, but that's not the reading I get from my digital wrist heart monitor."

M.D. We call it "MySpace Wrist." Stop taking pictures of yourself.

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

Tell me about your history. What are your interests? What kind of places do you visit? Are you careful? House of Java.net Cybercafe. You know what I mean: Are you the type that gets around? Your computer seems chaste. You may use it to send me an email. My laptop is virus-free. Freak.

"Sale. Save 100% of your energy by closing this website. Close now. No, thanks."

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

Deposit phones here

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

We only asked him to switch off his mobile and he seems to have shut down completely,

"Hey Siri, why does my neck hurt?"

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"I run a weight loss site, and my friend here runs a bodybuilding site."

"Everything I see looks like a website captcha. I'm either having vision problems, or I'm spending too much time online."

"My mommy's passwords are stronger than your mommy's passwords."

"It's the only way I can get some of my patience to listen to me!"

Cyber-Cise: 'Let's start with 3 sets of 8 reps of uploading, rest and repeat for downloading.'

Going to a split screen doesn't count as a second opinion, doctor.

'I'm getting lonely – my patients are getting their prescriptions online instead of visiting me.'

"Mom, I can't take the stress of social media. I'm running away from my home page!"

'Nurse Nodnik will be live blogging the operation.'

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

"The doctor says your vital signs are strong, but the IT guy says your portal password is weak."

"That's my diagnosis, and don't waste time looking it up. I've already consulted with Siri and Alexa."

"I'm so much more relaxed since I got this mindfulness app."

'I love this RX site - I can look up prices for all of my unaffordable medicine around town!'