Digital Game Skeptic Gifts

People play Scrabble on Facebook or their iPhone? Of course. Want to try it? Absolutely not!

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

Rare Books

Library door sign says, 'We have encyclopedias ... the original Facebook!'

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

The other digital divide.

'Read ALL about IT! While we're STILL in Circulation!'

Children's party - Pin the Tail using a tablet

The benefit of an old-fashioned newspaper.

"What would happen if you put down your weapon and tried to work things out peacefully?"

Books On Paper

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

'This app that recommends what I read next works, but it's insulting. It referred me to a gas station restroom wall.'

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

"If we're doing such a good job of keeping the devil away, how come we have so many of these infernal machines around here?"

'That's funny - the computer said we had mail..'

"Well, if you can't trust software upgrades, who can you trust?"

"My computer still won't work. It must still hold a grudge from when I punched it in frustration."

"Trust your instinct son, not the rubbish spewed on Social Media..."

"This year has been a disaster. But, my breaking point was when Apple TV+ hijacked 'It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown,' away from network television."

Unsocial Media

"My computer doesn't understand me!"

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

"Jeez, dad. Your computer is so old it came with a flag to put up when you want to send an email."

'I don't have my homework because my dial-up modem couldn't connect with my on-line homework helper.'

What violent video game? We're watching the news.

No Connection.

"Saying you're moral because you believe in God is like saying you're a soldier because you play 'Call of Duty'."

"According to this website my symptoms show that I'm dead!"

"I'm not saying it's spying on us, but it's asking me to 'select all the images of yourself selecting all the images of yourself.'"

"I left my computer on, and my virtual pet dog tore up the place."

'You have to learn arithmetic in case your computer crashes.'

"What kind of idiot gets suckered into something like that?"