Digital Friendship Humorist Gifts

"I don't know where everyone is...I invited ALL my Facebook friends."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

Barcode Dreams

"OMG, LOL!"

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"Will follow you on social media for food."

'My dog ate my computer.'

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

Standard Life Aberdeen Rebrand

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."

"Now that we have these Earthlings in our power, we can take over this planet!"

The Smartass Phone

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

'Look dear, he's burning his first illegal download to rewritable dvd'

'for more obit info, go to...'

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

The Escape Key

"Does 14 followers on Twitter count as 'leadership experience'?"

Terms and conditions

"I'm just gonna reach in my back pocket real slow-like and turn off my ringer."

"The x-rays came back, and — I'm sorry, but we found a very large attachment."

"Our website design could be described as "organic"... in the sense that people often compare it to poop."

'Do you mind if I share your post on my wall?'

Goodnight Social Media.

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"An excellent interview Mr Twinglestop, now is there anything you'd like to ask me. . . Apart from home to switch off your 'cat filter'?"

'Am I on your good Facebook friend list, or on your bad Facebook friend list?'