Digital Distraction Debater Gifts

"I bet the decline in the U.S. birth rate is thanks to Wordle."

The Proust of Twitter

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

Screen Time vs Book Time

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

"I had a great weekend... My Grandpa talked about the war again and my Dad about his most daring facebook comments!"

"You think you have problems? My entire wing command was just destroyed."

'We're beta testing Goo-Goo Glass.'

"DID YOU SEND THIS?"

'I can watch T.V. shows on the computer, so who needs a TV?'

A group of people in an art gallery staring at a phone

I can't keep up, Randy. What happened, little buddy? You know how I created a hate-bot to automate my back you up in online arguments business? Don't tell me: The Russian troll farms beat you to it. No. My hate-bot became sentient and created an even snarkier hate-bot. Mankind is officially obsolete. For an extra $1, the HB-1000 will throw in racism and misogyny.

"I virtually finished my homework."

What'r We Doing Today, Daddy?

"Not now, honey. Daddy's arguing with strangers about the sexual orientation of puppets."

"I can tell you about this article or you can just read the comments online."

Philosophie.fr Bulletin Board - 1936

"Sorry, Man! I had no idea Alexa would be here!"

"I reached Level Three of Super Mario Brothers!"

"I'm just saying, if you had to turn off the TV, would you still remember how?"

'When I was young we didn't have the interweb at our fingertips. . . we had to go to the library to get our questions answered!'

High Tech/Low Tech.

"I know you're wrong, I just can't get the computer to say it yet."

"I am in the moment - just not the moment you're in."

'Don't internalise that simmering rage -- get it out of your system on website comments sections.'

Rudy, be reasonable. We can't have a functioning media if everyone starts putting up their own stories on the web. We need professional ethics. We need editing. We need fact-checking. We need

'Will this job requirer me to look up from my phone?'

"Yeah yeah, nice, but how many online followers do you have?"

"No you can' 'google' number seven!"

"Ugh... Jerry Saltz is totally junking up my feed again."

Diving Judge: Sorry, I Was Looking At My Phone.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a paywall.