Digital Dissident Gifts

Shooting the Messenger

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

Bluesky helicopter evacuation from X

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

The other digital divide.

'Read ALL about IT! While we're STILL in Circulation!'

"I know it seems cruel, but it's the only way for him to get rid of that silly technophobia."

The benefit of an old-fashioned newspaper.

Pop up begger.

"I virtually finished my homework."

'You see this app? It starts a revolution.'

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

NHS computer: Kaput.

'This app that recommends what I read next works, but it's insulting. It referred me to a gas station restroom wall.'

"If we're doing such a good job of keeping the devil away, how come we have so many of these infernal machines around here?"

'Why is there a 'Like' button but no 'Despise' button?'

'And this is where they switched to High Definition.'

"Well, if you can't trust software upgrades, who can you trust?"

putin and social media

"Trust your instinct son, not the rubbish spewed on Social Media..."

Music Piracy

'I hacked into the school computer, and flunked all the teachers out.'

"We don't sell CDs anymore. We sell colorful jackets for the music you download illegally."

"I don't care how much I own – there's still something unsatisfying about digital Girl Scout Thin Mints."

"My computer doesn't understand me!"

Unsocial Media

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

"You in there! This is the Microsoft Police. Throw out your books and come out with your hands up."

No Connection.