Digital Dialogue Detective Gifts

Comments: The All-Comments Magazine

"Siri, search 'How to get out of a catastrophically bad first day'."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

Text Culture

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

'I think the new V. P. of Global Development is here.'

The Proust of Twitter

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

Computer Expert

Where was I?

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

Terry had a computer bug.

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"Teleconferencing makes it just like they're in the room with us - things are unclear and difficult to understand."

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

"Careful! He knows computers."

"Looks like Brandon got caught with his hand in the password jar."

Clickbait

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

"I had a great weekend... My Grandpa talked about the war again and my Dad about his most daring facebook comments!"

"Prove you're not a human Select the squares with a bike Skip"

'An application won't be necessary, Sir. . . if you did it, we know about it.'

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."