Digital Content Gifts

This is Pandora, our new Content Manager.

"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."

'There's nothing on.'

"How long have you been watching a dog chasing his tail?"

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

I started my own Youtube channel. What's it about? Well, there are already too many stupid-stunt-and-prank channels, and too many holier-than-thou-independent-news-analysis channels. But get this: There were absolutely zero holier-than-thou-stupid-stunt-and-prank-analysis channels. Probably a reason for that. My first hard-hitting post reveals how the inauthenticity of the "Mario Kart" prank is driving away Millennials.

I bought you an iTunes gift card. Why would you do that? It's a peace offering. Ok, where is it? It's digital. I set up an email account for you, and sent it there. Now you can download content. You made me a virtual address, and sent an intangible gift to it, that'll let me download things I can never even touch? What kind of lazy @#$% gift is that? What happened to giving people something you picked out for them, that they can touch and caress, and re-gift as they mock your bad taste behind yo

"I can't wait to post this."

What passes today for 'nose in a book'.

"Don't Look At it! It's A Listicle!"

"Did you ever wonder who's really raising our kids?"

Hate Platforms

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

'Nothing beats seeing your favourite band play live.'

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"Oh, Jeff, you swore this wasn't a podcast."

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

'Homepage Sweet Homepage'

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

"Yep, I've read this chapter before."

'Bring out yer books!'

Digital Fomo!

Cellphone Islands

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

Weird things I do because of the internet

"Since he got that thing, he mostly just kills time."

Daredevil on pc when doing stunt.

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"Looking at you, the moon and beyond, don't you think we could start a blog?"

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."