Digital Communication Guru Pillows

"That time you realized your hashtags were longer than your message. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethingsWrongHere #spiritual-awakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #wontSome-bodyThink-of-The-Children?" "ERROR: You have exceeded the number of characters allowed." "That time you. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethings-WrongHere #spiritualawakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #

"Could we have a little eye contact?!"

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"National security adviser"

'Here's MY information highway!'

Create some buzz!

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'Don't bite. They're trolling again.'

"Enough about the forest, why don't you show us more trees?"

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

The Thinker. The Listener

"Honey, this is serious, we need to text."

"We do have on item the internet hasn't already beaten into the ground, ad nauseam."

I've always been slower than computers...

'To make sure I get noticed I always talk in a big bold typeface.'

Telephone line ends up buried in the ground with a headstone.

'My market doesn't understand me.'

'He's a media consultant. He came with the multimedia software package.'

There's a real disconnect going on here.

"I can't believe you made it past our bitch receptionist."

"Do you promise to love, laugh and send cute pics of the cats even if you're just in the next room?"

'Have your people facebook my people.'

I'll put this in a way you'll understand: you need to transfer your feelings from savings to checking.

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

Keys to Success: Focus, Alertness, Concentration...

"Well, at least one of us passed the emoji eye exam..."

'In our press release, stress that our strategic focus will be on solving society's problems. This is code for making a bundle of money.'

"It's good to be able to recognize everyone."

Public Relations 101: Today's Lecture: 'Weapons of mass deception.'

"Hey, it's me. I just sent you a text message responding to your e-mail saying that I should IM you."

"I'm not great at communication, but my little buddy is."

Resume Consultant. To avoid giving anybody the wrong idea, you should stop calling yourself a "hands-on" manager.

"I think it’s time we started resenting other people."