Communication Gurus Pillows

'The best advice for new teachers is to listen to students with your ears and your heart.'

"I said... he doesn't pay me any attention any more!"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"National security adviser"

Create some buzz!

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

Changing Minds

Letter Collecting Nerd

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"Everything you say (or don't say) matters. Choose your words and intentions carefully."

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

"'Original' to 'Carbon-Paper': Do you copy?"

Twitter censorship

'Let us pray...'

"Well, I've emailed, faxed, and phoned Dobson. Maybe I should just walk down the hall and talk to him..."

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

"Enough about the forest, why don't you show us more trees?"

Birds on a wire, "Bernie?...Oh he's gone cable!"

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

'To make sure I get noticed I always talk in a big bold typeface.'

"Liife! Give my conversation Liife!"

"There! Now we're getting somewhere."

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

Telephone line ends up buried in the ground with a headstone.

The Horn of Unanswered Email

'My market doesn't understand me.'