Digital Clairvoyant Gifts

'I switched from tarot cards to a computer years ago.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Asking out a palm reader.

Quantum Psychic

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"You're solemates!"

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides stimulated hand-holding when the market is down.'

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

'It's Blurred.'

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

'I really don't know how you got here with your life line!'

"A new set of dentures! Is that it?"

'How wonderful - the both of us in futures.'

Ill next Thursday

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'