Digital Clairvoyant Pillows

'I switched from tarot cards to a computer years ago.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

Asking out a palm reader.

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

Quantum Psychic

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"You're solemates!"

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides stimulated hand-holding when the market is down.'

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

'It's Blurred.'

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

"A new set of dentures! Is that it?"

Ill next Thursday

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'

"The only thing I'm sensing is an entrepreneurial spirit."

'I really don't know how you got here with your life line!'

"You are going to meet a beautiful young lady at a biology lesson. . ."

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'