Dieting Skeptics Pillows

Did the new slimming drug test okay? No, sorry, too many side effects!

"Sales of our diet pills have gone through the roof since we started making them out of hamburger."

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'No, that doesn't make any difference either, Miss Jones.'

Eureka! This has telemarketing sale of a diet supplement written all over it.

'The Werewolf Diet? It's great: you can eat anything you want, but only during the full moon.'

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

New anti-obesity cookbook.

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'It says all the chemical ingredients in this food were made by organic, free range scientists.'

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

Complex Carbs

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

Lite Beer.

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

'I envy your metabolism.'

Health Foods; "When did I ever eat back pain and trigger fingers?"

The meat's fine,it's just the milk tastes of gherkins.

'Do you want flies with that?'

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

"I don’t care what you read on social media, I cannot prescribe chocolate mini eggs to help with your weight loss!"

'The start of the Premiership and the return of Match of the Day - there goes his Aitkins diet....'

"I need to lay off those seven birthday cakes a year."

'Not another Doctor Who spin off!?'

'Just thinking about New Year's resolutions makes me tired.'

"I like the idea of getting rid of our junk food, but instead of throwing the fridge out, you could've just thrown the food out."