Dieting Optimizer Gifts

Overloaded on Junk Food.

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

'That's what I thought, finances are tight: She's switched to no-name cat food...'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

Miss Pike, send a memo to all members of staff.....Economies must be made.'

Dieting Motivation.

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

Fat man on scales.

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

'I can't see my nuts anymore.'

'This high fiber diet is great! I've lost 10 pounds since I started eating my stuffing.'

Time Management Conultancy - Out, Out

"I would kill for your metabolism."

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

Shrink

'He refuses to overeat and get plump. Do you think he knows something we don't?'

'You are being haunted by the spirit of a slimmer, trimmer, you.'

"Remember, you're only as sick as you feel."

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

Gym. Whatever weight I manage to lose here I always seem to find on my way home. Donuts.

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

"Cardiac day patients?"

'The town I grew up in was so affluent they used to close the schools in honor of options expiration day.'