Dieting Commentator Pillows

'Have you been here long?'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

"That's it - your diet starts tomorrow"

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

Fast Food Dieter

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens in my diet.'

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

"Well, then - two apples a day."

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

Weight Gain Denial

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

"Steak for breakfast, steak for lunch, steak for dinner. . . you can't stop evolution!"

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'