Dietary Survey Enthusiast Gifts

Ill Advised Vegan Survey

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

All Natural Nothing

"I envy you, but my dietary requirements make it difficult for me to travel..."

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

Anti-inflammation recipes

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

International House of Excrement

'Who cares about content? With a title like this it'll sell millions!'

'New Barbeque.'

"I'm not a total vegetarian, sometimes I like a bit of buffalo."

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

Nutritional Supplements.

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

"It would be better with a protein, but add-ons are so expensive."

'The diet books really worked for me...I bought so many I couldn't afford any food.'

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!