Dietary Fiber Gifts

"Large coffee and three bran muffins...hopefully to go!"

Man breaking wind infront of neighbours.

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

'Mum, it's not fair: The principal said I was not allowed to take nuts to school anymore...'

"They have oat fiber, wheat fiber, and rice fiber, but no moral fiber."

'The diet books really worked for me...I bought so many I couldn't afford any food.'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

410 BC: The Roman empire begins its slide into decadence.

'It says, 'If you want more fiber, eat the package.'

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

'I'll have three of those trout, but throw them to me. . . I want to tell the wife I caught them.'

Mixed marriage: food fight

Food Pyramid.

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."

"It's the worse case of flatulence I've ever witnessed!"

We can identify the genetic root of many problems... however your husbands being a long strak of water isn't one of them!

"You're getting too much fiber."

"I quit worrying. I've gone 100% non-non and completely free-free."

"Do you have anything that looks vegan, but is made from meat?"

'He's saying 'Enough bananas - I'm also a carnivore'.'

"If you want fiber, madame, I suggest you eat the menu."

"What? I have a nut allergy."

"You're prediabetic. I can't help you unless you decide to eat less sugar - or more sugar."

"It's raw, unprocessed wool."

Guy sitting on bank pulling up fishing line with sign from fish attached to hook reading' Got anything better than worms?'

'You have to chew your food: All this feeding-frenzy business is bad for your digestive system...'

'I'm a finicky vegetarian. I don't eat eggs unless they're poached. I don't eat meat, unless it is properly marinated. I don't eat fish unless it's breaded and fried.'

'I don't know whether the fish oils have helped his concentration but they've certainly helped keep the fly population down.'

The old good-doc, bad cop routine.