Dietary Doomsayer Pillows

The End IS Near

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

Dieting Motivation.

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

"You've got to eat less, exercise more and try to stay out of trouble. You're not fit to stand trial."

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

Woman leaves a stick of dynamite on her weighing scales and runs away

'You are being haunted by the spirit of a slimmer, trimmer, you.'

Shrink

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

'Here's a good one, France on 2000 calories a day.'

"Wheatgrass is highly effective at neutralizing joy."

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'So, how did the crash diet go?'

"I do diet...between snacks."

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

'You know that thin person inside you, struggling to get out? -- He seems to have gained weight, too.'

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

"Buy them - and never look back."

'The only vegan item on the menu is the menu itself.'

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

Woman and scales.