Diet Starts Monday Pillows

"I do diet...between snacks."

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

Soup of the month.

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

The discovery of asparagus.

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

See, eating healthy isn't so bad...."

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

Garlic Free Zone.

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

"Eat your vegetarian or you'll go extinct!"

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"How come portion control doesn't apply to broccoli?"

'Vegetarian is an old Indian word which means bad hunter.'

Macho Vegetarian

"You won’t need refills."

"Ack! This stuff's hard to eat!"

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'