Diet Starts Monday T-Shirts

"I do diet...between snacks."

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

Soup of the month.

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

The discovery of asparagus.

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

See, eating healthy isn't so bad...."

Garlic Free Zone.

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"Eat your vegetarian or you'll go extinct!"

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

"How come portion control doesn't apply to broccoli?"

'Vegetarian is an old Indian word which means bad hunter.'

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

"You won’t need refills."

Macho Vegetarian

"Ack! This stuff's hard to eat!"