Diet Plans Pillows

'Well, if you're enjoying your diet plan you must be doing it wrong.'

"I'm on a vodka diet-lost two weeks already!"

"I wondered how long it would be before they came to that conclusion."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

In the Guru District

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

Any time is cake o'clock

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

On the back of the t-shirt...

Soup of the month.

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

Bad for you but to die for

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'