Diet Plan Pillows

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

In the Guru District

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

Any time is cake o'clock

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

Soup of the month.

On the back of the t-shirt...

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

Bad for you but to die for

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

How about going easy on the carbs