Diet Plan Critic Pillows

'It's a simple, foolproof diet plan -- I want you to take a knockout drop with a glass of water before every meal.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

"That's it - your diet starts tomorrow"

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

Sawdust.

'The Werewolf Diet? It's great: you can eat anything you want, but only during the full moon.'

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff,'

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

"Steak for breakfast, steak for lunch, steak for dinner. . . you can't stop evolution!"

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

Toilet roll beauty tips.

'He wanted to know if anyone had ever brought out a keep-fat video.'

Lite Beer.

"What do you have that justifies its calories?"

"I can guarantee on this diet you'll lose at least 50 pounds a month, until you cancel your standing order!"

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

"I don’t care what you read on social media, I cannot prescribe chocolate mini eggs to help with your weight loss!"

'What you need is some negative growth.'

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

"It has a cream base because we hate you."

Health Foods; "When did I ever eat back pain and trigger fingers?"

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

'My regular slimming magazine seems to be getting thinner.'