Diet Industry Critic Gifts

"This says I will lose 4 times the fat. Do you know what that means?!"

"What do you have in the way of fat burners."

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

Sawdust.

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff,'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

"I can guarantee on this diet you'll lose at least 50 pounds a month, until you cancel your standing order!"

Toilet roll beauty tips.

'He wanted to know if anyone had ever brought out a keep-fat video.'

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

"It's a game changer. . . carrots and hummous batons but we've managed to make them out of sugar."

'My regular slimming magazine seems to be getting thinner.'

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

See, Peanut? I told you that 'Melt in your mouth, not in your hand' line would get you in trouble someday!

'I take it this wasn't quite the outcome you were expecting from your 'spot reduction diet'?'

Dr Atkins on a date: 'Why does he keep looking at me like I'm a piece of meat?'

'Does this fig leaf make me look fat?'

'I don't think cholesterol had been invented then.'

"IT's a radical new diet I'm developing. I knock out all your teeth so you can't eat and therefore you lose weight."

"Your mother eats all the wrong foods."

"These diet pills must work. My purse is getting thinner and thinner."

'I'm going to start you off with a simple diet -- don't eat anything you can't pronounce.'

Zombie Fad Diets. Are you sure fish is brain food!

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

'You get the diet book which you won't read, the exercise bar which you won't use and the workout CD which you won't watch, for only $29.99.'

'Y'know, this healthy grown up cereal is pretty good.'

Chihuahua says to large dog: 'I'm on a diet - I want to be a size zero.'

'Careful, don't bite off more than you can chew.'

'I suggest you go easy on the fast food.'

"Eat your predigested greens."

"No beans for you, you're on a fart free diet."

'What about my grandfather then... He ate whatever he liked and still lived to be 38!'

Years later, during the low carb craze, she became known simply as 'Mary had a lotta lamb.'

'This is from our diet menu. We replaced the starchy bun with two deep fried fish filets!'