Diet Drink Explorer T-Shirts

Extra Light Beer

Before/After

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Coffee must wear you out. They're always sleepy when they drink it.'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

Complaints Desk

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

Attack of the 'health' foods

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

California Beverages Map

Nutritional Supplements.

"It would be better with a protein, but add-ons are so expensive."

"All these vitamins and nutrients, plus it makes it own sauce! We should be eating this!"

"Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is PERFECT for them."

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

"Cardiac day patients?"

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

'The good news is that our latest diet products work fabulously well. The bad news is that we haven't got any customers any more!'

"Hey guys, I'm thinking about going vegetarian."

"We've gone glutton-free."

"Ding dong bell, Pussy's into wellness."

'I know why Max has suddenly turned vegetarian: His new girlfriend is a Fruit-Bat...'

'Cool snack, Tommy! My folks are into health foods too!'

'He's saying 'Enough bananas - I'm also a carnivore'.'

Dutch Courage

'All drinks are double the normal price - it makes me happy.'

Turn on the news. I will not comply. My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story. There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on Rocky Road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills. Who told you this? Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy.

'Jake's Alternate Pharmacy.'

'It's not our wine list. It's a list of gastroenterologists.'

Al's Health Spa: You are what you eat.

"I'm all for having a cheat day while dieting. However, you may be taking it a bit too far."

'Where is the 'it won't immediately kill you' aisle?'