Diet Design Enthusiast T-Shirts

'You're fat. I'm putting you on a diet.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

All Natural Nothing

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'I can't see my nuts anymore.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

Fat man on scales.

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

'This high fiber diet is great! I've lost 10 pounds since I started eating my stuffing.'

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"I would kill for your metabolism."

I don't know about you, but I'm getting tired of fast food.'

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

'It says, 'If you want more fiber, eat the package.'

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'