Diet-daydreamer Gifts

"We are starting our diet tomorrow, so we need to eat this lot today."

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Dieting Motivation.

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

'You are being haunted by the spirit of a slimmer, trimmer, you.'

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

Gym. Whatever weight I manage to lose here I always seem to find on my way home. Donuts.

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

Shrink

"I do diet...between snacks."

"Buy them - and never look back."

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

Diet Sugar House.

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

Woman and scales.

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

"You research diets, then order junk food online. Your computer isn't broken, it's just confused."

"I can’t even find the motivation to quit my gym membership."

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

Doctor to pig: 'You've been pigging out on pan pizzas, eh? I'm taking you off square meals.'

'You know that thin person inside you, struggling to get out? -- He seems to have gained weight, too.'

"Big deal about your weight loss advice! I lost my christmas job at Wal-Mart!"

"It might sound silly, but I don't think this job is good for my diet."

"We're not dividing the bill. We're dividing the calories. Two people had cheesecake..."

'Do you have to explain nutrition with a pie chart?'

"I was just... uh... looking for the low-fat yogurt."

"I do exercise, stretching exercises. Got the stretch marks to prove it."

"See? The good still outweighs the bad."

'It's a new diet. We can eat all we want. But we have to wear boxing gloves.'

I lost 10 pounds during that last thaw...but it was all water weight.