Diet Connoisseur T-Shirts

'This 'manna' stuff You're sending -- is it low-carb?'

'It looks like bacon and eggs, but it's 100% bran.'

'I am not saying you have to give up all sea food...just shrimp!'

I don't know about you, but I'm getting tired of fast food.'

'Look! I told you, I don't wanna hear about your staple diet. . .'

'I'm on a diet -- I just eat the brains.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Counting ribs

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

A Sticky Buns Bakery is positioned next to a gym.

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I come here for the pepper."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

All Natural Nothing

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Full English Breakfast.

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"Regular service or affected?"

this bordeaux speaks for itself

'Do I really have to remind you again about which one of us earns the truffles, Jean-Claude?'

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

"I'm retaining doughnuts."