Diet And Health Humor Lover Gifts

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

M.D. You burned a hole in your stomach --- eat only bland foods from now on! No more spicy food?! It's a season-ending injury!

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"Well, then - two apples a day."

"It says here you've been experiencing peels of thunder�"

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

Spanx Tells Me No

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

'I'll take #1.'

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

Hipness Replacement Surgery.

Lard Lite - Marketing

"C'mon, walk it off!"

Miss Twaddle, cancel all my appointments.

'The only thing wrong with you is that you're holding up my golf game.'

"You're getting too much fiber."

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

'Disease is inevitable. My advice is to find an illness you can live with...'

'They worry about their cholesterol, but they don't give a damn about ours!'

"Does this antibiotic go better with a white wine, or red?"

The big bad wolf uses an inhaler before he blows down the three little pigs' straw house.

My budgie likes Mars bars.

'I asked my doc for a diet plan and it works great - thanks to his usurious bills, I can't afford a car or taxis and that's why I'm losing weight by walking!'

Computer: 'You-are-spending-too-much-time-interfacing-with-food'

Good news! We determined the hair in your vegan soup is from the chef's fake fur coat!

With exercise equipment, it goes on layaway after I buy it.

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

"If these don't make you feel better in a week you can come back here and kick my arse."

"I like the idea of getting rid of our junk food, but instead of throwing the fridge out, you could've just thrown the food out."

"Can you get on the scale please? I'm on a diet and need to monitor my food intake..."