Diet And Health Humor Lover Gifts

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"Well, then - two apples a day."

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'I'll take #1.'

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

Hipness Replacement Surgery.

Lard Lite - Marketing

'The only thing wrong with you is that you're holding up my golf game.'

Miss Twaddle, cancel all my appointments.

"C'mon, walk it off!"

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

"You're getting too much fiber."

'They worry about their cholesterol, but they don't give a damn about ours!'

"Does this antibiotic go better with a white wine, or red?"

'Disease is inevitable. My advice is to find an illness you can live with...'

The big bad wolf uses an inhaler before he blows down the three little pigs' straw house.

My budgie likes Mars bars.

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

Computer: 'You-are-spending-too-much-time-interfacing-with-food'

"I like the idea of getting rid of our junk food, but instead of throwing the fridge out, you could've just thrown the food out."

"Can you get on the scale please? I'm on a diet and need to monitor my food intake..."

"If these don't make you feel better in a week you can come back here and kick my arse."

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

'I asked my doc for a diet plan and it works great - thanks to his usurious bills, I can't afford a car or taxis and that's why I'm losing weight by walking!'

Excess Baggage: If calories consumed on vacation don't count, then little creatures must sneak into your room at night to shrink your clothes.