Dictionary Publisher Gifts

"Hello, I'm Clifton Latimer."

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

First Novels.

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

Gay Times...

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Wordplay: Gastropod.

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Letters escape from a caged book.

Sue the Author 3PM

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

Thesaurus Publishing: Out, Not here, Gone, Absent.

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

'It's the first animal in their dictionary, Inter-Planetary Publishing Protocol is to always list the most intelligent lifeform first...'

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"So start throwing together about 10 novels a week and bring them in on Wednesdays."

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!