Dialogue Champion Pillows

"You don't need to be anti-white to be pro-black."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

Now leaving designated Free Speech Zone. Shut it!

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"We've discovered they mate for life, as long as they don't discuss politics."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

Meet the Enemy

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

The Government's Got Your Back. And Wants Your Front As Well.

"The derby is better. That makes you look like Abraham Lincoln."

"Now that's a win."

"Everyone stay calm, if we don't upset it maybe it won't start shooting."

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

You don't believe I could be a supreme court justice! You're ruining my self-esteem! F.Y.I? � Whiny tirades don't look good on a supreme court justice's record. Thank you for your candid assessments. I will certainly consider their merits. Fine judicial temperament. And reject them for their shallow insensitivity! Rejection overruled.

Exciting potato bugs.

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"Matthew, did we agree to adopt a whale?"

Battle of the sexes in a relationship

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Let me connect you with Edith, our specialist in ethnic conflict in the former Yugoslavia. My expertise happens to be in North Korean intransigence."

America Finally Solves the Gun Problem

'What's the difference? Some people call it privatizing government. Others call it super pacs buying congressmen.'

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

A young positivist.

'I don't get it, Victoria. . . why are men in control of everything?'

Healthcare declaration

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID MAMET

'If you have to ask, you can't afford it.'