Diagnosis Scare Pillows

'Mind you, that's the worst-case scenario.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"....H....5....N...1...???You got me.... but I'm sure it spells trouble."

'Don't step on that in your bare feet - my mom does and screams.'

"And that was just your sudoku chart."

Man tapping a tuning fork on another man's knee

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

'Where'd he go, nurse?'

'Don't worry! If your self diagnosis turns out to be correct this time, this will take care of it.'

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

"Will he be okay?"

"I'd say it's a fungal infection."

"With this new diagnosis of diabetes you're going to have to make some lifestyle changes."

Trick or treat surprise.

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

'There's no cure, but the good news is we have some great support groups!'

Just in time for Halloween...

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'The medication wont cure you, but it's side effects will!'

"We met on Agnostic Rendezvous."

'It's not that simple, Ms. Whelan. You vcan't just shop around until you find a disease you like.'

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

"Forget railway season tickets. Stick to day returns from now on."

"According to this website my symptoms show that I'm dead!"

"It's the only way I can get some of my paitents to listen to me."

"Give it to me nuanced, Doc."

95mph fastball.

"With symptoms like yours, you could be the next Batman!"

"The bowels, the bowels."

"The light at the end of a tunnel turned from green to red."

Caution: Do not try and make sense of our medical warnings whilst operating heavy machinery.

"Test results are back - you have...everything."

"I'm skipping straight to a second opinion, in the first one, I thought you were OK."

"I've conducted a meta analysis of the myriad of tests we've run and I think I can say with a certain level of certainty that you are probably screwed..."