Devout Irony Gifts

'Welcome to heaven buddy! We got some stronger stuff inside, but this will get you into the mood.'

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

They're Not Just That Into It

'T.M.I.F.'

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

Oedipus

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."

"Frankenstein? Isn't the story of a being made from the parts of others a little far-fetched?" "I find it very believable."

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

Perfection Troubleshootors.

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

'Someone come and mediate our argument about mediation!'

"I hope there's nothing genetically modified in this."

If found please return to mountain

Bureaucrat Walking his Pet

The Boss of the Kleptomania Clinic has turned up for work only to discover his Clinic has been stolen