Devil And Angel Fans Pillows

'We definitely need tighter border controls!'

Shoe repair

"First, we tell everybody that you're in rehab. I'll take it from there."

Diabolical bureaucratic management

"It sounds good so far, are there any strings attached?"

'I'm here due to an identity theft.'

'Well, in all my years as a relationships adviser, this is the first time I've had to admit defeat within the first five minutes!'

"Well...this constant badness is just sooo wearisome...."

Water Balloons.

"Well, well, well! Your parents certainly messed up when they named you, didn't they, Angelo?"

'You've come straight from an atheist birthday party?!!' 'EIGHTIETH! EIGHTIETH!'

'It's another 'Wish you were here' postcard from my friend in Hell.'

'He was a good rabbit dog.'

'What are these for? You only bring me flowers when you've done something good.'

'I'm real sorry. It was all the 'blonde' jokes you told.'

Devil Tricks

'I was on my way to a costume party when it happened...'

"I'm your guardian angel. But due to some technical glitz, I happen not to be invisible!"

'Are these billable hours?'

'I'd feel very fortunate if I were you. My music WAS appreciated in my lifetime, and then played to death in elevators and shopping malls!'

'My manager thought this might help me sell a few more CDs.'

"Just what I thought... Bad shock absorbers."

"Artie, you would not believe what’s going on down there."

Mother with Child.

"Yeah - I keep getting aborted."

'You'll love my new boyfriend, Dad. He's a real angel.'

'Yes, it takes a while to find the right cycle on the washer!'

Dog Heaven

'We're from Manhattan."

"Does anyone else's robe say 'Hyatt'?"

'It's really nothing to be embarrassed about!'

Organ Donor

"The nerve! Wearing red pumps!"

Man at Heavens gate being asked '...and what about the LBW decision on August 19th 1973...?'

Angels smoking outside of the gates of heaven.