Desk Job Strategist Gifts

'Sure, computers make work easier, but now I'm expected to do even MORE work!'

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

Out and In.

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art

"I suppose just climbing the greasy pole is no longer an option..."

'I'm sorry but I'm afraid the corporation is going in a different direction.'

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

"I just want you to know that promotion, this office, and those Luna bars were mine!"

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

Career opportunities

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

And here's the office floor plan. The numbers indicate the recommended sequence in which to step on people on your way to the top.

"Uh-Oh..."

'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'

The Corporate Ladder and the Corporate Elevator.

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

"I'm Jackson, your new micro-manager."

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

'In my rise to the tip I was always aware of a higher power - now I feel I'm ready to take it on.'

"Listen Herb, once you become the boss and decide who gets a raise, then you can have a raise."

"Yes, also it keeps you fit."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

You gotta hand it to the old man, he still knows how to motivate!

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

A woman wearing a skin sitting behind a desk with a nameplate that reads "Sheena, Queen of the corporate jungle."

"Pardon me, but why is there no ceiling this office?"

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"