Designated Driver Dodger Gifts

"I'm the designated driver."

"You need to stop taking your work home with you. Take mine instead."

"At work, we've switched to video calls for meetings, so my productivity has shot up exponentially. . ."

"What kind of 'best friend' expects you to pick up their sh*t?"

"When you hear me begin talking about our lousy sales figures, you guys create a distraction."

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

'When I drink, I don't drive my car.'

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

'Refusing to fill in a psychometric test reveals a lot about you, Jones.'

"Do I get to lawyer up before I see the Principal?"

'Yes, it is last year's hunting license, but I'm only hunting the ones I missed last year.'

For every dog who gets the window seat, there's Steve, the designated driver.

'So why are so worried? I'm leaving my fate in the hands of 12 people not smart enough to get out of jury duty.'

'I'm drinking, you're driving - how come you're so happy?'

'Making a To-Do List is on my Bucket List.'

No Car Bar.

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

'You'll be bound over for trial by a jury of whomever we can get for $5 a day.'

'Sorry, I can't talk now, Mr. Harris, I'm texting right now! I'll take whatever punishment you want to give me.'

'Now that Sir has approved the wine, would Madam care to taste the water?'

"If you'd bullshitted your work like the rest of us, you'd be home by now."

"Up to now, I feel my childhood experience has been a very positive one! Why spoil it with some silly rules?"

'Mr. big shot scientist who works 18 hours a day at a prestigious lab developing high strength corrosion inhibitors, but can I get him to spend 2 minutes getting rust stains out of our own tub? No.'

'Forget the test Mrs. Winslow. Let's send out for pizza!'

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

'No need to put my details in darlin'... You're the girl for me!'

"I've decided to give up my day to day responsibilities."

"This is definitely the last time for Chapter Seventeen!"

"Customers without designated drivers must be wearing clean underwear."

'We have special circumstances here Your Honor...Mr. Juttle committed the crime so he could get out of jury duty.'

"No designated driver for me. My last one committed road rage!"

"You recused yourself from this case. I recuse myself from jury duty."

Drink kills.

Michael Cohen Attorney at Law

'That's it, Darlene -- conserve your energy for the final lap! Stay right in her draft!'