Dental Visit Warrior Pillows

"Would you like cotton candy flavor, bubble gum flavor, or just accepting that, regardless, this is going to be incredibly unpleasant?"

'Did the nasty man hurt you?'

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'He said I have no cavities and that my breath knocked his socks off.'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"That explains all the cavities."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"So what brings you in today?"

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

Things you forgot to tell me about getting older: "You're going to need bigger tooth floss."

"Every time you lick your teeth, you taste your skeleton."

"Buy stock in a college?...I don't think you can...but why would we?"

"No, we haven't started yet. My hand was cold."

Yoga Dentist has sign on wall: 'Open Mouth Insert Foot'

'While I'm here, Doctor . . .'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

"Please point out the problem tooth."

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

To help emphasize good oral hygeine inkids, Dr. Remford installed a dental floss zipline in his office.

The Wheel of Life

"Please fill out these medical forms, which are identical to the ones you filled out earlier online, and have the exact same questions your doctor will ask you later in the exam room."

Time-Off Coupons

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

Taking blood pressure

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

"And then I said 'Don't worry, this is perfectly safe!' Ha, ha!"

'As I said, the medication won't cure you, but it will make you more comfortable for the duration.'

It's payback time at the sadistic dentist's office.