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"It doesn't actually work. But it's a great motivator for people to take better care of their teeth."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

"Since you're going to the dentist, I bought you a giant lollipop to go out in style."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'He said I have no cavities and that my breath knocked his socks off.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"That explains all the cavities."

J. Wilbert Dentist - Sorry We're Open

"So what brings you in today?"

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

"Every time you lick your teeth, you taste your skeleton."

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

"I'll take your word for it. You don't have to show me your used floss."

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

Yoga Dentist has sign on wall: 'Open Mouth Insert Foot'

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

'I'm afraid I have bad news for you. That sweet tooth has got to come out.'

"Your sodium level is high...probably from taking everything you hear with a grain of salt!"

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

"Please fill out these medical forms, which are identical to the ones you filled out earlier online, and have the exact same questions your doctor will ask you later in the exam room."

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

'As I said, the medication won't cure you, but it will make you more comfortable for the duration.'

"And then I said 'Don't worry, this is perfectly safe!' Ha, ha!"