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"It doesn't actually work. But it's a great motivator for people to take better care of their teeth."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"Since you're going to the dentist, I bought you a giant lollipop to go out in style."

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'He said I have no cavities and that my breath knocked his socks off.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

J. Wilbert Dentist - Sorry We're Open

"That explains all the cavities."

"So what brings you in today?"

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

Here's my dental insurance card. Sorry. Twig had a visit within the last 6 months. This one's not covered. That was a check-up. This is an emergency. How about Twig's chipped tooth? Your policy doesn't cover cosmetic problems. Now I get it! My insurance is cosmetic. Have a nice day!

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"Every time you lick your teeth, you taste your skeleton."

"No, we haven't started yet. My hand was cold."

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

Yoga Dentist has sign on wall: 'Open Mouth Insert Foot'

"I'll take your word for it. You don't have to show me your used floss."

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

To help emphasize good oral hygeine inkids, Dr. Remford installed a dental floss zipline in his office.

'I'm afraid I have bad news for you. That sweet tooth has got to come out.'

"Your sodium level is high...probably from taking everything you hear with a grain of salt!"

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

"Please fill out these medical forms, which are identical to the ones you filled out earlier online, and have the exact same questions your doctor will ask you later in the exam room."

'As I said, the medication won't cure you, but it will make you more comfortable for the duration.'