Demonic Consultations Pillows

"Can't I go anywhere without someone asking for free medical advice?"

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

STRIP *Community Care * 'client empowerment' policy

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'What really annoys me is that they're not even my demons - they're Goya's and Hieronymus Bosch's and Brueghel's.'

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

I demand to see a lawyer. May I say, you've come to the right place.

"I need someone well versed in the art of torture- do you know PowerPoint?"

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

Rosemary's Baby Supplies

"Sorry, there's no toilet paper or hand sanitizer down here."

'All right. Who's in charge around here?'

Lemon beelzebub for table 666

"Fortunately, Mr. O'Brien, a sucker's attorney is born every half a minute."

Descartes's Demon

"Honey, could you grab the Bible? I need to double-check something."

'My astrologer says one thing, my guru says another, my psychiatrist says something else - I don't know who to turn to anymore.'

"I'd like to explore the futures market."

"How would I know how long he'll be? I'm not the psychic!"

"In my spare time, I write reviews on Goodreads."

"Can you believe English isn't the official language here?"

'Get me Hell, Miss Saunders. I wish to sell my soul.'

Dave began to suspect that he had moved next door to the neighbour from hell.

"Usually, I give a free estimate, but for lawyers, I charge a consultation fee."

"Then it's agreed. Watson, Smith, Teller, and Wilson go to Heaven; Jones, Paducci, and Horner go to Hell; and Fenton and Miller go to arbitration."

'I'm only a consultant, but your father says that this will all be yours someday.'

Excercising demons

'Careful, this plate isn't hot.'

"Yeah but he wasn't just the devourer of souls, he also created lots of jobs!"

"The advice was free. But the office visit was a hundred bucks an hour."