Demon Of Decor Gifts

"He says he needs somewhere hotter to work from."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

"Hang on- I'm receiving a textured message."

"This will look great on our bedroom wall."

'This guy's FAST!'

'They had a sale on electric green.'

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

'I've spent the last 20 years modernising the house and now you say it looks old-fashioned!'

"No, not there! It'll block out all our light!"

'We couldn't agree on the wallpaper.'

"Their entire planet is coated in things called doodads, tchotchkes, trinkets, knick-knacks, bric-a-brac, and clutter."

'Look at the adorable garden gnome I bought today!!'

Non Drip Paint

"Things to do Today: Create the heaven and the earth."

'Of course when minimalism died I got rid of everything.'

"I guess they really are permanent."

"Helene tells me you're into fabrics."

'Antiques are things one generation buys, the next generation gets rid of, and the following generation buys again.'

'Dearest, do you smell something not burning?'

A man sits in an armchair with seven flies or other insects, framed on his wall; he has a fly-swatter in his hand.

'I hear one more person say 'my bad'. I'll wring their neck!'

"You know they're just plastic, and I know they're just plastic, but take them down."

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

'Burberry cushioning, very nice.'

"No smoking, except in designated Fire and Brimstone areas."

'We decided it's our best protection against liability suits.'

And on the Eighth Day God Just Puttered Around the House

"You also get a choice of finishes ? flat, semigloss or satan."

Employee Of The Month

The Development of the Tchotchke

Santa turns on a light and the Xmas tree catches fire says 'On no!'

Three wall angels...

US Army Knife.

"According to your organ donor card, you gave your soul to me."