Decor Disaster Aficionado Gifts

unregulated yule log

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

This is the first time I've been on the top management floor.

Doulton Canada Geese

"Hang on- I'm receiving a textured message."

Robotic Flower Arranging

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

'I've spent the last 20 years modernising the house and now you say it looks old-fashioned!'

Builders build a property that has a crease in it like the design plan.

Antique silver

''Midnight in Paris' didn't work in the conference room. Let's try something more vibrant like 'Sunrise Over Wall Street.''

Non Drip Paint

'He may be a brilliant academician, but he's even dumber than the rest of us when he tries to do anything practical around the house.'

Spot Light

'Days until miminimalism is over and we can get our things out of storage...'

Worried flamingo says to other famingo: ''Ere, Dave, are we kitsch?'

Larva lamp.

'Of course when minimalism died I got rid of everything.'

'We need someone who dresses as badly as you and has an ability to accept criticism...are you interested in the job, jerk?'

Dave's How to Puke Book.

Reason # 23 why a pile of money is better decor than a potted plant: nobody has to water it when you're away.

'Dearest, do you smell something not burning?'

'I hear one more person say 'my bad'. I'll wring their neck!'

"No smoking, except in designated Fire and Brimstone areas."

'The directions were easy to understand...until you got past step 2.'

'We decided it's our best protection against liability suits.'

"Huh? What patch didn't take?"

Smoke gets in your eyes.

"Flowers in a lobby are good P.R."